Unwrapping the Neurodivergent Holiday Experience

Written By: Stephanie Goodson, MS, LPA

For the neurodivergent person, “the most wonderful time of the year” can sometimes feel like “the most stressful time of the year.” The holidays often come with a mix of joy and overwhelm, filled with sensory overload, unpredictability, and social strain. It may seem like holiday cheer was designed for everyone else when your forced fa-la-la leaves you frustrated and distressed.

Picture this: Your family is loudly chewing, oohing and aahing over Aunt Linda’s “delicious” sweet potato soufflé. You, however, can barely choke down a roll. The sweet aromas, casserole textures, and non-stop beratement for not enjoying the meal ultimately results in a celebration shutdown for you. You’re exhausted, and dessert hasn’t even been served.

Here’s the good news: YOU have the power to shape this season in a way that works for you.

This year, focus on embracing what feels right for you and create holiday experiences that align with your unique strengths and needs.

Here’s our neuroaffirming guide to help you craft a holiday season that honors and celebrates who you are—no “right way” required!

Create a Plan That Feels Good to You

For many neurodivergent people, routines provide comfort and clarity. Holiday schedules can feel chaotic, but a little planning can help bring your calendar back to a manageable level. Consider creating a “holiday routine” by jotting down ideas for how you’d like to spend the season. Use an electronic or paper calendar to space out the events and activities that appeal to you. You may even want to set a calendar reminder a few days before the event so that you can prepare. Having a structure in place can reduce the stress of uncertainty, helping you feel grounded and maintaining a sense of control amidst the holiday bustle.

Sensory Strategies for Festive Spaces

The holidays can feel like a sensory minefield. Shiny decorations, crinkling gift wrap, nonstop holiday music, and ringing bells at the grocery store – plus the overwhelming scents of pumpkin, pine, peppermint, and cinnamon – are a lot to process! Unexpected neighbors bringing cookies and tight hugs from the grandparents are kind gestures but can also be unsettling.

Carrying sensory tools can help you self-regulate. Earplugs, noise-canceling headphones, or a favorite fidget can work wonders. A cozy blanket, weighted lap pad, or a heavy coat can provide calming deep-pressure relief. And if holiday meals are overwhelming, consider bringing your own preferred snacks to enjoy.

Embrace Boundary-Setting as Self-Care

Some holiday traditions or gatherings might be too much to handle and that’s okay! Setting boundaries allows you to participate in ways that feel comfortable for you. Whether it’s skipping a family dinner or leaving a party early, honoring your needs helps you preserve energy and truly enjoy what you choose to do.

If a family member starts guilt-tripping you about missing Thanksgiving dinner, remember you deserve a happy holiday too. Express your gratitude for the invitation and then politely decline to attend. Suggest alternative ways to connect with loved ones, such as a quiet walk in the park or a cozy movie night with a few close family members.

Protecting your well-being is not selfish – it’s essential.

Seek Out Your Quiet Spaces

When attending gatherings, scope out a quiet space where you can retreat if things get overwhelming. Just knowing you have a designated escape can bring relief. It could be a cozy room, a peaceful outdoor spot, or even a few moments in your car. This “personal escape plan” can help keep the festivities manageable.

Give Yourself Permission to Do Less

The pressure to make the holidays magical can make it feel like you *have* to participate in every tradition. But sometimes, doing less brings more peace and joy. It’s okay to celebrate selectively, focusing only on the traditions that truly make you happy.

If large family gatherings drain you, consider celebrating solo or with a small group of friends. You can create your own version of holiday cheer – whether that’s a cozy night at home, baking your favorite treats, or watching a favorite movie.

Communicate Your Needs

Open communication can transform the holiday experience. Let friends, family members, or hosts know what would help make the season easier for you. Whether it’s asking for quieter conversations, flexible arrival times, or an understanding that you might leave early, clear communication can foster a more supportive environment.

The holidays don’t need to look like a Hallmark card to be meaningful. By making choices that honor your preferences, respect your boundaries, and embrace the traditions that bring you joy, you can create a season that feels uniquely yours. So go ahead – unwrap a holiday season that brings you comfort, peace, and joy in your own way!